Fan Clubbed
by Smileyfax
Summary: Daria is forced into the world of Harry Potter - but it's not what you expect.


"I'll try to help her through this difficult period of adjustment," Daria said to her father, as she shouldered her backpack and exited his car. Of course, having said this moments after Quinn had begun bonding with the local airheads, a rational observer (i.e. nobody) could conclude that she was not being entirely serious.

Without warning, the girl Quinn had been talking to turned away from her and approached Daria. "Hey, cool glasses," she said, without any apparent malice.

"Excuse me?" Daria asked, warning lights flashing on and off in her brain. Whenever the 'popular' crowd noticed her, it usually wasn't a good thing, especially if they remarked on her appearance. She braced herself for the other girl snatching the glasses off her face and breaking them.

"You know, the whole 'Girl-Who-Lived' thing. I mean, you forgot the scar and all, but the shabby clothing look helps make up for it. If you, like, dyed your hair black, and put the scar on of course, you'd totally be a passable fem-Harry."

"Excuse me?" Daria repeated, now wondering if there was uranium in the drinking water here too.

"Um, why are you talking to that, uh, person?" Quinn asked hesitantly.

Sandi turned, her nose turned up just a little. "Well, Kuh-winn, I wouldn't expect a muggle like you to understand, but as president of the Harry Potter Fan Club, I always have to be on the lookout for potential future members."

XXXX

"...and then Daria said she didn't WANT to join the HP Fan Club!" Quinn whined to her mother over dinner that night. Daria rolled her eyes; Quinn hadn't even heard of Harry Potter before Sandi had explained what the club was about, then she had said she loved Harry Potter and wanted to join. She had even publicly outed herself as Daria's sister, which had surprised Daria and even moved her a bit, before Quinn had taken Daria to the side and begged her to join so she could find out what Larry Potter was all about.

Quinn had taken every opportunity over the day to nag and pester and beg and plead with Daria to change her mind about joining. She caught her in the halls after every class. She sat right next to her all through lunch (even though Daria had repeatedly taken her tray and moved to other tables). She even interrupted one of Daria's classes after getting a bathroom pass from her own, telling the teacher it was a family emergency before informing Daria that Sandi Griffin was the most popular girl in school, and membership in the HP Fan Club would ensure Quinn would rise to similar heights in popularity, and didn't Daria want to help out her sister?

And now Quinn had brought their mother into it. "Daria! You get invited to one of the most prestigious clubs in school, and you turn it down?"

Daria nodded. "The club president assumed that I dress this way because I want to be a female Harry Potter impersonator. I dress this way to repel people, damnit, not attract them."

"Irregardless, Daria, I thought you loved reading! If you were to join any one club, this would be it, wouldn't it?"

Daria shook her head. "I don't like the Harry Potter books, mom. J.K. Rowling's writing is about as subtle as an atomic bomb. Reading the first book alone, I knew who the bad guy was going to be by chapter five."

Helen frowned. "That doesn't matter, Daria. I want you to join this club and make some friends, is that clear?"

Daria was about to say no, but the phone rang first, and Helen went to answer it. She made a worrying reference to 'my daughter', and then said "Hold on for a minute," before putting her hand over the phone's mouthpiece. "Daria, the school is on the line. They said that, based on the results of your psychological test ("They said we wouldn't be graded!" Quinn protested. Helen spoke over her outburst), they want you to take a special class for a few weeks."

Daria was perturbed. "What? Why?"

"They say you have low self-esteem."

"It must be a mistake. I don't have low self-esteem, I just have low esteem for everyone else."

Helen scowled. "Look, Daria, I'm very tempted to let them put you into this class, as I think it could be a great help to you. If you were to join this fan club, though..." Helen trailed off, the implication obvious.

Daria sighed. "Okay, I'll join the stupid club."

Helen smiled; Quinn practically beamed. She even leapt from her chair and squeezed Daria in a hug, which made the elder Morgendorffer sibling distinctly uncomfortable. "Oh thankyouthankyouthankyou!" Quinn said breathlessly, before rushing upstairs to her separate phone line to tell Sandi the good news.

Helen, meanwhile, informed Ms. Li on the other end of the line that the class would regrettably interfere with her daughter's after-school activities, so she would not be able to take them. However, if any more concerns about Daria's mental health were to arise, she was free to take them up with her assistant Marianne.

Daria wondered if she had chosen wisely, then abandoned that line of thought; both options, she reasoned, were most likely equally bad.

XXXXXXXXXX

You'll notice this story is similarly themed to 'Lawndale Sucks', in which Twilight is the cool trend at Lawndale High School, which Quinn gets 'sucked' into despite her best efforts. I have been meaning to continue that one, but I don't think I could really do it justice without actually reading the Twilight books and drawing from them, which I'm incredibly reluctant to do since, you know, it's Twilight.

On the other hand, I've read through Harry Potter a number of times, and it just occured to me tonight that Daria's glasses are almost identical to Harry's. Throw in being mistaken for a fem-Harry, and bam, instant plot.

I have kind of a silly timeline planned out for this fic, if I were to write all the way to Daria's graduation: Books and movies 1-4 are already out, and book and movie 5 would come out simultaneously near the end of this school year. Book and movie 6 would come out next school year, and book and movie 7 (and 7 part 2) would come out in Daria's senior year. Never mind how ridiculous it is, or how it ignores any established timeline for Daria or the real-world publication/filming of the HP series. This way, there can be lots of in-fic drama about What Will Happen Next? and OMG No Spoilers! and so forth, as well as letting the gang get through the whole series while everyone's still in high school.

Of course, that all assumes I don't get, like, two more chapters into this and lose all inspiration, like I usually do. :( 


End file.
